Have you ever felt like, if you forgive someone, you are condoning what they did? Being able to forgive is one of the biggest challenges we face…and one of our biggest barriers to experiencing joy.

 I choose how I feel or react, so my anger at the other person is my own feeling and interpretation. That doesn’t mean I need to forget what happened or allow myself to be harmed by that person in the same way again!

 Try this for a week: Each day identify someone that you feel harmed you or someone you love. Ask yourself in what way you have been able to use that interaction as a teacher – what did you learn that has been helpful, or how did it push you in a new, exciting direction.

Every day we get violent messages on the news, in our movies or video games, and in interaction with others. All of these messages affect us, in much the same way as small bits of litter can add together to create a real mess.

 Without going into seclusion, how can we protect ourselves from this negative energy? What are our options for neutralizing the impact of violent messages and helping to decrease their frequency?

Try this for one week: Notice your physical response to each violent message, and then experiment with how you can response differently so that you feel relaxed and joyous instead.

Why do we tend to think things are “either—or”? Is such duality truly an illusion? We are so used to thinking in simple comparisons that we assume duality is just the nature of things. But if we look a little closer, life is more complex. Take any polar opposites and you will find that there are more than two alternatives. For example, “day” and “night”—we have dawn, dusk, noon, and so on.

Some people think of nonduality as moving beyond individual awareness to “merge” with the cosmos. But is that appropriate or even necessary? Can we accept the challenge of viewing the world from multiple perspectives while maintaining our sense of centered self? Can we train ourselves to see more than two options as a matter of habit?

What helps you keep from being dualistic in your thinking? Why would you bother?

Have you ever noticed that anger, especially righteous indignation, is energizing? When I believe I’ve been hurt, I might even brood over the indignity, refusing to forgive, to amp up that energy. But refusing to forgive actually hurts me more than it does the other person.

 Forgiveness is part of recognizing our shared humanity – that we all make mistakes as we experiment and learn. Forgiveness is part of compassion – for myself as well as for others. Forgiving focuses on the person, not the action. And forgiving frees energy.

 Try this for a week: Each day notice a situation where you are getting irritated or angry because of someone’s behavior. Ask yourself when you have behaved in a similar way and why you did that. Does that help you have compassion for the other person (while not condoning the behavior)?

Is it possible that violence against women is so pervasive, as a violation of human rights, that we just assume it will always continue? What would actually make a difference?

 We have seen some shifts in what is and is not condoned. The media no longer says “boys will be boys” when women are battered and raped. But the data tell us that far too many women and girls are still victims of violence.

 Try this for a week: Each day notice one woman who is not being treated with respect as a competent adult. Treat her with respect yourself. Notice what happens. What do the consequences tell you about how we can end violence against women?

Do you have a clear sense of your unique purpose in this life? Or do you feel that anything you could do you should do (a recipe for burnout)?

 We can think of our shared lives as a gigantic jigsaw puzzle that we are assembling together. My piece might be part of a waterfall, while yours might be part of a rainbow. We each have a different role to play. We keep centered and effective when we focus on doing “what’s mine to do” and let others do the rest.

 Try this for a week: Each day notice a time when you feel really centered. What were you doing? How was it linked to your life purpose?

How can we be unique individuals and also be part of a cosmic interconnected field of energy? Actually, we already have lots of experience at this. For example, we are members of our family and of social groups, communities and nations, each with their own distinct characteristics. Yet we share ideals, views, and emotions that cross any of these boundaries. We all know how heartbreaking it is to lose a loved one, and we can all share that sense of grief. Just as we can feel thrilled at another’s accomplishments in music or sports.

 Why does this matter? The more we are able to sense our interconnectedness, the more we understand that others are part of ourselves and so we become less likely to harm them. What helps you feel grounded in yourself and interconnected with others at the same time?

Feeling critical or judgmental of ourselves or others is a very damaging emotion. It creates a sense of separateness and a fear of experimentation. When we are critical of ourselves, we become tense and edgy. When we are critical of others, we start to feel superior. None of this nourishes a creative interconnection.

 Criticism of our behavior can be helpful under certain circumstances: (a) We have asked for feedback. (b) The feedback is specific and tells us both what we did well and how we might improve. (c) The feedback is focused on behavior, not our character.

 Try this for a week: Each day notice one time when you speak critically of yourself. Reword what you are saying so that you thank yourself for being open to learning. How does that feel?

Remember the feeling of joy – that sense of such extreme delight that you are radiant? Joy is similar to happiness, but it doesn’t require achieving some result. It is simply a state of being in the moment, in the “flow.” Our natural state, as souls, is joyousness.

 So why don’t we feel joyous all the time? One reason is that we get focused on our mistakes, or our attachments to specific outcomes, or criticism of others. That kind of focus shifts us out of our sense of oneness or “intunedness” with the universe, which is the core of joyousness.

 Try this for a week: Each day pick one time when you feel perfectly in tune with the universe. What made that possible? How can you increase that sense of “intunedness”?

What do we need to do to be harmless? For me, it means taking responsibility for angry or demeaning thoughts about others instead of taking my feelings out on them, either verbally or in my thoughts. This doesn’t mean that I’m “bad” to have such thoughts, just that I need to deal with them energetically rather than let them harm others.

 Here’s what I do if I am really angry with someone else: I set up a white light “shower” between myself and the world. Then I get into feeling as angry or frustrated as I wish, while recognizing that the feelings are about me, not the other person. When all that angry energy passes through the white light shower, it comes out “pink” (benign) on the other side.

 What about you? What do you do to make sure you don’t harm others when you are angry or frustrated?